Will Smith: Making Songs w/Movie Titles

I went and saw Gravity with a friend the other day and it blew my mind. It looked so crazy that my brain couldn’t understand that it wasn’t actually filmed in space….or was it…  Anyways, that’s pretty cool. Later we started joking that a perfect way to ruin one of the most visually epic movies of all time would be to play “Gravity” by John Mayer in the closing scenes. I love that song, but paring a song and movie or show with the same name is unbelievably corny and embarrassing…unless your Will Smith.

We started thinking about it and Will Smith is the only person in the world who can make a great movie/show and an accompanying song. I’m not saying they aren’t cheesy because they are, but you love them and you know it.

Nobody does this anymore. It’s kind of a 90s thing I guess, however, it was great and will probably never be a thing again.

1. Men in Black

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2. Wild Wild West

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3. Fresh Prince 

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Honorable Mention:

Kenny Loggins – Footloose

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By Kyle Patrick

The Death of the 90s: Blockbuster

tumblr_mdks2udcyn1r6ubs5o1_500The 90s are dead. That should come as no surprise considering it’s 2013, but our culture (more than ever I would argue) has embraced this fantastic decade that brought us so much happiness. 90s reruns are on every channel of every day. 90s fashion is somehow back from the dead. 90s bands are putting down their fiber cereal and reuniting for epic tours to relive their heydays.

But every once in a while you’ll remember something from the 90s and realize that those precious years are gone for good. Things that will never return from the dead. Today, we remember Blockbuster.

Blockbuster was a magical place of endless movie treats. Giant VHS boxes took up so much room that it only took a few to span the depth of the shelf, which meant every time there was a new release, an entire wall would be dedicated to that  single movie.

Rarely did I venture inside the aisles where the lesser-desired movies called home. The big hits surrounded the perimeter and I would walk around that Blockbuster at least 17 times before I picked a movie – which infuriated my parents – which is why I started riding my bike there.

Did you ever rent video games? I did. I would stay up all night playing my Super Nintendo. Putting in every cheat code that some other kid scribbled in the back of the manual.

Blockbuster was an event. It wasn’t as easy as clicking a mouse or pushing a button on your remote. It required an effort and flawless discernment – decision making skills that rivaled that of an ER surgeons. It all came down to one movie. One out of 4 billion. It was a reward. It was a parent’s bribe. It was by a Pizza Hut.

So today, Blockbuster, we remember you as you once were – bustling with families, dating couples and single loner burnouts; and not as the liquidating mad house you became towards the end of your legendary career.

Please rewind.

The Best and Cheesiest Christian Movies From My Childhood

Christian movies have a bad reputation and it’s primarily because movie makers left that magical, dazzling formula of success that made 90s Christian movies so..boss. I watched most of these at my grandma’s house and I’m not sure why she wanted to terrify me so much, but mission accomplished, Mamaw.

1. Buttercream Gang

If you haven’t seen this, you are missing out. These kids have an epic treehouse, do tons of community service, and would never think twice about breaking the law. But wait…Pete moves to Chicago and goes astray. He comes back as a gang member, steals shoelaces….from the old man’s convenience store and passes them out to his friends like crack, and wears a bandanna. You heard it right. Pete is a bad seed. I smell prodigal son plotlines!

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2. McGee and Me

This was just tooooo good. The opening sequence alone to this series speaks volumes about Nick’s free time, lack of friends and hallucinations – his ability to draw McGee and have him come to life. These movies were awesome and kept me laughing while teaching me valuable life lessons. Favorite movies include that one where they have a skateboarding competition and then the one about baseball.

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3. On Our Own

These 4 siblings escape an orphanage and drive across the country in search for their uncle so they won’t be split up. Who doesn’t love a cross-country shenanigan fest? The thing is, I don’t remember the movie being funny at all. In fact, I remember it being very sad the whole way through. However, the theme song will often get stuck in my head and my sisters, cousin and I will sing it often as we hike through the woods. It was performed by The Osmonds. Watch this hilarious video of the top 15 lines from the movie (with song).

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4. A Thief in the Night

You’ve likely never heard of it, but nothing has traumatized me more than this 4 part series about the end times. Made in the 70’s, these movies are terrifying and creepy looking at the same time. The song used to get stuck in my head and haunt me. I’m not joking. There were guillotines chopping people’s heads off. Watch the trailer for the first film in the series.

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5. Carman

If you don’t know who this guy was,  you weren’t a Christian in the 90s. He was a singer/actor and the king of all things corny in Christian media. He made long form music videos that were kind of like a modern opera. Two of them were terrifying and probably shouldn’t have been watched by children, others funny…all life changing.

Below are the 2 scariest. The second one made it very hard for me to sleep at night (5 minute mark).

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6. The Bike King and the Ten Commandments

I never had the honor of watching this movie, but someone posted the trailer on Facebook and it was the funniest thing I have ever seen. Do yourself a favor and watch this trailer.

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Least Favorite 90s TV Characters

1. Jesse Spano – Saved By The Bell

Jesse Spano was the unpopped kernel of popcorn. The one  you chip your tooth on. The one single thing wrong with an otherwise delicious bag of popcorn. In the earlier episodes of Saved By The Bell, Jesse was great. She was a friend and neighbor to Zack. Over the years, for whatever reason, the showrunners made her into a feminist/environmentalist. She became unbearable to listen to. Even the writers knew it and would have everyone else yell, “Shut up, Jesse” throughout the show.

2. Shawn Hunter – Boy Meets World

Same as Jesse, Shawn started off great. He was incredibly dumb which always made for a good laugh. He and Cory were always getting into trouble, pranking Feeny, and was a real ladies man. There was an episode where Shawn dressed up like a girl to write a story for the school paper. That was the beginning of the end. Shawn became obsessed with his feelings and constantly whined about everything. He would say the most effeminate things which weren’t funny and made everyone watching feel weird.

3. Aunt Rachel – Family Matters

For reasons unknown, Aunt Rachel seemed to fail at everything she did. She was a washed up singer, former restaurant owner, and seemed to mooch off of the Winslows constantly. At one point, I think she disappeared from the show and left her son, Richie, with the Winslows. Not that she actually abandoned her son, because this is just a made up TV show.

4. Richie – Family Matters

Man that kid was just annoying to watch.

5. Mark – Step by Step

I watched Step by Step along with the rest of the TGIF lineup and am having a hard time remembering him at all. I can’t remember him making me laugh, or even seeing him on the show regularly. Speaking of Marks.

6. Mark – Home Improvement

This kid was a real whiner. Constantly getting Randy and Brad in trouble for their hilarious and well-intentioned pranks. Once Mark got a little older on the show, Home Improvement turned him into a goth. An understandable turn of events after being constantly picked on his entire life. However, it wasn’t funny to watch – just sad

7. Screech – Saved By The Bell

Screech is so classic and your childhood memories of him are probably flawless, but when you watch now, Screech is unreal. His voice and shenanigans were too much. He used to do these really weird facial expressions that I couldn’t stand. It’s a shame because Screech started out cool, too. Not cool, but funny back when he had that robot Kevin. Ha….Kevin.

Characters We Loved & Tried to Hate

1. Steve Urkel – Family Matters

You watched in disbelief and cringed every time he broke something. The Winslows would have been poor in real life if they had to replace everything. His accidents, always over the top, but dang – we all loved some Steve Urkel.

2. Kimmie Gibler – Full House

Kimmie was supposed to be disliked. She was dirty, annoying, smelly and wore clothes that were inexplicable. She would get under everyone’s skin on the show, but she was always good for a laugh or two.

3. Dana – Step By Step

Dana picked up where Jesse Spano left off – overpowering feminist. Hard to watch. Years later she began dating one of Brandon’s friends and lightened up a bit. And somehow she got hot.

4. Mr. Belding – Saved By The Bell

There is no way you couldn’t like this guy. Although he was often pitted against Zack Morris as the authority figure, Mr. Belding was a just and fair man. “Hey Hey Hey, what’s going on here.”

5. F-F-F-F-F-Feeny – Boy Meets World

Just like Mr Belding, George Feeny was too wise to hate. You could easily find a reason to dislike him in the middle of an episode, but when the end came around, you would lay prostrate on the ground in awe of Feeny’s wisdom.

Being disliked is much better than being totally forgotten and disappearing from a show.

Am I missing anyone? Let me know

90’s TV Shows and Their Fake Vacations

Some of my favorite episodes from the TGIF lineup involved the family vacation episodes. It was always great to see those pretend families venturing outside to spend some pretend family quality time together.

1. Full House – Disney World

This one is a classic for many reasons. Everyone has their own story line. DJ is seeing Steve everywhere, Michelle and Stephanie are fighting, Uncle Jesse can’t find time to celebrate with his  hot wife Becky, Danny is trying to propose to that abomination, Vicki, Joey is looking for love or something – I can’t remember.

2. Boy Meets World – Disney World

Since all these TGIF shows were owned by ABC/Disney, the network just sent them to Disney World to promote themselves, plus it was probably cheap. I’m ok with that. This BMW episode has Corey searching all over for Topanga and trying to win her back. He even runs into fellow TGIF member, Dana from Step by Step, who was once obnoxious, then she somehow got hot.

3. Family Matters – Paris

They didn’t really go to Paris. I don’t even know if they ever went to Disney World. But they pretended to go to Paris in a time travel episode and I thought that was awesome. Towards the end of the show, they began to do a ton of crazy stuff. It’s like if  you knew your show was going to end in a week and you went crazy.

4. Saved By The Bell – Malibu Sands

Probably my favorite block of SBTB. That one time when they all somehow got awesome summer jobs at a country club on the beach. They get into all types of shenanigans and eventually Zack dates that girl from New York. It was awesome.

4. Saved By The Bell – Palm Springs

Those episodes when Jesse’s dad got married. Zack and Kelly get back together. Classic.

5. Saved By The Bell – Hawaii

These couple episodes are actually my least favorite SBTB episodes of all time. Everyone looks weird and acts like they’ve never seen each other before for some reason.

6. Friends – Las Vegas

I believe this was in the early 2000’s, but it’s still worth mentioning. That episode where Ross and Rachel get married, Joey finds his hand twin, Phoebe gets kicked out of a casino etc. A pretty funny block of episodes.