I Went to Nashville

I went to Nashville last week for work. On the way down I got a speeding ticket. He’s probably friends with the officer who gave me a court date on my birthday. Other than that, and the fact that I had to drive through a tornado warning, the drive was great.

I stayed at the Opryland Gaylord. Remember those old games where you would put a tiny metal ball in a maze and use those little knobs to get the ball from one end to the other? That’s what the Gaylord is like. Except the ball is me and on the other end is usually my room, food or a bathroom with a literal indoor jungle in between us. But it was really nice.

At the conference were thousands of people. There was a massive exhibit hall with hundreds of vendors. At one of them, I met a famous fashion photographer and his business partner, who happened to be the guy that sold Seinfeld into syndication. They do awesome stuff. Pretty rad. Also I met and or saw, Eric Metaxas, Ben Carson, Charles Stanley, Patricia Heaton, Michael W. Smith and more. I saw and spoke to Mark Burnett (creator of Shark Tank, The Voice, Survivor, etc) and his wife Roma Downey (aka the angel from Touched By An Angel). He said, “Excuse me” and she said “Hi.” So I’ll be waiting for my beach house/joint vacation invitation in the mail.

I also met Victoria Jackson who used to be on SNL with Farley, Sandler, and those guys.–>

Of all these people, I was most excited to see the Duggars. The family from 19 or 20 or 21 and Counting. I don’t know how many there are or how many children are produced weekly. Not that I have ever even seen the show before, because I haven’t, but because one of the daughters was very attractive. If anyone has her digits, holler. Judging by the way she looked and smiled at me, I assume she’s single, about to be, or that I had peed a little.

I thought that I would be able to get out and see Nashville in my free time, except that I didn’t have free time. I worked 12-15 hour days and never stepped foot outside of the hotel for 5 days. This was a bummer as I was unable to visit any Man vs. Food locations.

When I left, I stopped in Knoxville to eat at a sketchy, but locally-famous restaurant called Chandler’s. Soul food. You know it’s sketchy because as soon as I parked, a man knocked on my car window asking for $2 to get on the bus. I think he materialized from thin air. Then I stopped and took a 15 minute power nap. Then I went and got gas and saw a drug deal go down on an exit ramp. Then I drove away.

Nashville, I hardly knew you.